Archive for July, 2012

I Goosed Shakespeare

I sometimes wonder what the literary world would be like if Mother Goose wrote Shakespeare’s plays. Here’s what I think Hamlet would have looked like:

Original–

Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him, Horatio:
a fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy.
He hath borne me on his back a thousand times.
And now how abhorred in my imagination it is! My gorge rises at it.
Here hung those lips that I have kissed I know not how oft.
Where be your gibes now? your gambols? your songs?
your flashes of merriment, that were wont to set the table
on a roar?
Not one now to mock your own grinning? Quite
chop-fallen?
Now get you to my lady’s chamber,
and tell her, let her paint an inch thick,
to this favour she must come.
Make her laugh at that.

Mother Goose’d—

Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him, Horatio
He was such a funny fellow
A thousand times, I rode his back
Now I cringe and want to yack
Here were the lips I often kissed
Now your jokes, games and songs don’t exist?
Where is the laughter you brought while we ate?
Will no one make fun of your gaping palate?
Now go to the room of my wench
Say pile on your makeup a good inch
She must attend this affair
And make her laugh while you’re there.

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Elevator Escort

I went to Lawrence Hospital (near Kansas University) to visit someone having a procedure. When I asked where it was to be done, a woman near the desk told me it was on the third floor and escorted me up there, since it was on her way. There, another woman told me that the place was on the second floor and she escorted me there.
“Here it is,” she said, leaving me near the desk. “Just tell the nurse there.”
The nurse told me that the place for that procedure was moved to the first floor, so she escorted me down to the first floor and showed me the waiting room.
“She’s already in the room,” said the woman behind the desk. “Her family is downstairs in the cafeteria, though. I’m on my way down, so I’ll show you the way.”
So I trod down the stairs with my escort to the cafeteria and the floor on which I started the trek. Unfortunately, I could not find the family. Back up the stairs I went to the waiting room.
“Did you find them?” asked the woman, sipping her diet soda.
“No, I’ll just wait here if that’s OK.” I quickly took a seat before she could call me an escort.

Sometimes it’s more helpful to not help. 🙂

The Smell of Old Books

Ever wondered why old books smell so good?

 

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The Joy of Reading

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I saw this on Facebook. Whereas I don’t normally post things from there on here, this photo raised a question.  What is it that you love about bookstores?  For me, it’s like a candy store filled with chocolate covered candies.  I get to pinch them all a little and see what’s inside before taking a bite.  Forest Gump may well have spoken of literature in his famous line.  What about you–what do you love about book stores?

 

Angel Blood: Family Secrets

This is the promo trailer for “Angel Blood Family Secrets.” My son created the music for it.