Archive for September, 2012

Enduring Grief

If you’ve never experienced grief, check yourself for plugs, because you’re in the first Matrix.  Whether through the death of a loved one or even a pet, by the loss of a job or broken relationship, we all experience grieving.  It is our reaction to bereavement and a process we work through.  Most of us have heard of the “Five Stages of Grief” or variations of the list, but is it a reflection of what happens or an arbitrary list?

A man, whose wife I visited in the hospital for six months, recently passed away.  While she was still alive, he began the process of illness grief.   His anger stage was particularly bad, because he lashed out at loved ones for never doing enough even though they were right there beside him in her room.  By showing them the stages of grief, I was able to help them overcome the pain of his words and to continue helping him cope.  Now that she is gone, he will enter the process of grieving once again.  There is sickness and death, so both have their own processes.  How I wish we could combine them, but our hearts won’t let us.

Another friend had the “love of his life” leave him.  The one leaving may grieve, but the one left is almost always sent for a loop in the grief process.  There is the shock that it is over when and if the other says it directly.  Some beat around the bush or play games, which makes it much worse.  The bereaved goes through the loss process and sometimes gets lost because they refuse to move on.  “Stalking ex’s” get caught in the “anger and bargaining” stage, whereas trapping oneself in the “depression” stage can lead to suicide.  The only way to move on is to decide that it is over and there is nothing that will change that.  Only then will we open the door of light at the far end of the tunnel.

In job loss, we find the same process in action.  We are shocked and angry.  Bargaining occurs in conversations with either our former employer in person or in the mirror.  Perhaps we converse with them as we pace the living room floor?  Depending on the number of years we worked at the place, despair can be powerful and gut wrenching.

I sometimes wonder if the writing/querying/rejection thing writers deal with has some elements of grieving.  Anyone?



Vile Enemy

Cold, still, lying on silken ruffles
Hands folded across her quiet heart
Peaceful now. Her battle’s over
She fought in a war she didn’t start

Eating away all but her spirit
Anguished by pain that never ceased
Smiles through tears unwontedly flowed
Though her foe’s attacks increased

You are my enemy, vile cancer
Eating the flesh that gives you life
I will not stop ‘til you are history
The woman you stole was my wife


I wrote this for a friend who watched his wife of sixty-three years die after months of anguish.

Naysayer Humor

Ever feel like saying this to someone negative?


Never Give Up

In spite of any setback, keep your eye on your goals. 

The impossible belongs to those with imagination.

Bono- Grace and Karma

I was reading this interview and found it a refreshing take on faith.  As a long time fan of U2, hearing Bono speak of things close to my heart was interesting.  Yet he’s way beyond a singer.  He circles the world multiple times a year taking care of the poor and sick.  Here is a portion of Bono’s interview with Michka Assayas